Myths

Women can leave if they want to – There are many reasons why women don’t leave an abusive relationship: financial-she may depend on her partner’s income; emotional-she may feel that she can’t make it alone; low self-esteem, fear, and the belief that marriage is forever; concerned about what family and friends will think; feels she has nowhere else to go; does not know where to go for help; is embarrassed; she doesn’t want to break up the family.

 Alcohol/drugs cause a man to abuse – In many instances the use of alcohol/drugs will make an abusive situation worse but it does not cause it. Abuse is a manipulative technique used to instill fear and elicit control over another individual.

Women provoke abuse – No one deserves to be abused. Abusive partners use the excuse that they were provoked to escape taking responsibility for their abusive behaviour.

Only young women are abused – Abuse can happen to anyone in any form. Mature women in their 70’s and 80’s have sought shelter at Third Place.

Families are always supportive – Many families are very supportive of the abused member, but there are also many families who are not supportive. They feel that the abusive person is not being truthful, or that such things should be kept within the family and not made public. Some families have had abuse happen throughout generations so that to them it is a normal part of their family life. Abuse is not normal behaviour, it is wrong and some abuse can result in criminal charges.

Abusive partners are mentally ill – All abusers are not mentally ill. Some abusers use violence in certain situations while others use psychological abuse to intimidate and control. Most abusers are not abusive in other outside relationships.

He loves her but she makes him jealous – Relationships based on respect and trust are loving. Abusive partners will often get jealous when they feel that they may be losing control over their partner. The abusive partner has an irrational fear that he may lose his partner so chooses to react in a jealous manner. This is his choice and he could choose to react in an not-abusive way.